“What’s wrong with you?”
“What happened to you?”
It can feel as if the hurt is your fault, as if the pain and chaos in your life mean there’s something broken inside you. Over time, it may seem like the monster isn’t just real, but that it is you.
That’s complex trauma.
That isn’t who you truly are.Complex trauma makes you believe the pain is you, when really, it’s something you’ve lived through.
Research in neuroscience and clinical psychology has consistently shown that when people experience repeated interpersonal trauma—especially during childhood within their primary family or home environment—it fundamentally reshapes their development.
These traumatic experiences can alter brain structure, change how neurotransmitters function, and rewire the body's stress response systems. As individuals attempt to survive, cope with, and understand what's happening to them, these changes also affect their sense of self, their behaviors, and how they relate to others.
To truly grasp complex trauma, we need to recognize that the trauma itself and the person's adaptations to it are inseparable—they're two sides of the same coin.
Loneliness & Social Withdrawal, pulling away from others, feeling misunderstood, isolated, or fearing further harm in relationships.
Emotional Dysregulation including mood swings, emotional flooding, or difficulty calming down after being triggered.
Substance Use & Addictive Coping to numb pain or feel control.
People-Pleasing & Fawning in order to avoid conflict, rejection, or abandonment.
Perfectionism & Overachievement to stay safe by being exceptional, invisible, or in control.
Spiritual & Existential Responses, including a sense of feeling closer to a spiritual presence, or deep anger and disillusionment with it; questioning long-held beliefs or experiencing a crisis of faith.
Influence of Trauma and Grief -
In our work together, we will learn to manage the many emotional, physical, and behavioral responses that can arise after loss:
Anxiety & Hypervigilance, racing thoughts, intrusive memories, or obsessive worry.
Depression & Emotional Numbness, and sense of heaviness, hopelessness, or disconnection from loved ones, joy, meaning, or self.
Periods of euphoria or dissociation that may feel disorienting or unreal.
Demoralization & Loss of Purpose, feeling defeated, aimless, or uncertain about how to move forward or why it matters.
Shame and self-blame—believing you’re “too much,” “not enough,” or somehow at fault.
Low Self-Worth & Identity Confusion, feeling broken, unworthy, or unsure of who you are.